Challenging patriarchy? Adopting maternal, marital surnames: Resistance continues

Anandiben Patel

The other day, I was talking with a group of family friends. The discussion revolved around someone very close to me who had not changed her official name in documents, including her Aadhaar and passport, after her marriage. However, on social media and within her husband's family, she had adopted her husband's surname as a suffix to her own.

I mentioned that there is a growing trend—though not yet widespread—where women prefer to retain their maiden names or add their maiden surnames alongside their husband's surname. Another emerging trend is where men choose to add their mother's name, or even their wife's name, to their own. This revelation surprised my family friends.
"How can this be?" one of them asked, while another pointed out that her daughter-in-law wanted to retain her maiden surname along with her husband's surname. "I flatly refused," said the woman, who had become a mother-in-law just two years ago. "She is part of our family now, not her parents'. The bahu must be known by her husband's name—there can be no compromise here."
This prompted me to share another trend in Gujarat, where boys and girls are adding their mother's name in the middle instead of their father's. This idea was also unacceptable to our guests, who said it went against "our culture and tradition." Nevertheless, I cited the example of a Dalit activist-turned-journalist, Mehulbhai, whom I have known for several years.
Mehulbhai worked with the Ahmedabad-based NGO, Centre for Social Justice, and later joined BBC Gujarati. During my stint with the NGO as a media consultant post-retirement from The Times of India, Mehulbhai expressed his desire not to be identified by his Dalit-sounding surname, Makwana. Instead, he started using his mother's name, Manguben, and continues to do so in all his writings and on social media.
Another example is Jayeshbhai, a Dalit Gujarati poet who tragically committed suicide in 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic. He had chosen to use his mother's name, Jeeviben, as his middle name instead of his father's, challenging the patriarchal norms of society.
These instances reflect how both Mehulbhai and Jayeshbhai rejected traditional societal norms in their own ways. Interestingly, few people know that such practices were officially supported as early as 2003 by Anandiben Patel, a senior minister during Narendra Modi's tenure as Gujarat Chief Minister. Anandiben later became Gujarat Chief Minister in 2014.
While covering the Sachivalaya at that time, I recall Anandiben Patel announcing on International Women's Day (March 8, 2003) that a mother's name, instead of the father's, would be accepted for school enrollments starting from the academic year 2003-04. This decision came in response to demands from women's organizations advocating for the rights of children whose mothers were separated from their husbands and forced to adopt the father's name due to government norms, she said.

While Modi didn't propagate the move, whether this policy has succeeded in changing schools' patriarchal mindset remains uncertain, as societal norms still heavily favor the inclusion of the father's or husband's name. In Gujarat, the prevailing social convention continues to mandate the father's name (and later the husband's name) as a middle name.
In contrast, elite circles in Mumbai have shown some openness to change. For example, at actress Sonam Kapoor's high-profile wedding in 2018, her husband, Anand Ahuja, added his wife's initial, "S," as his middle name, while Sonam adopted "Ahuja" as her surname. Similarly, writer Sagar Gupta added his wife's name on Facebook as a gift for their first wedding anniversary, and media professional Ishan incorporated his wife Shilpi's name into his social media profile.
A media story highlights this trend: Men in Mumbai are opening up to the idea of adding their wives’ names to theirs, it claims.
While the examples of Dalit activists adopting their mother's name reflect efforts to challenge gender inequality and caste discrimination, another story suggests this movement gained momentum after the 2016 Una outrage. In this incident, a video of four Dalit youths being brutalized for alleged cow slaughter went viral.
The story highlights individuals like Nayan Nandaben Jayantibhai, Kaushik Jamnaben Babubhai, and Tarun Chandrikaben Baldevbhai, noting that this trend has caught on among 500 Dalit professionals and activists. Read more here: For Dalits, mums the word to shed caste identity.